ASK ANDEE

Hi Andee. 

I am a twenty-five-year-old woman. While I enjoy meeting new people and going out on dates, I can't help but feel like I will never meet Mr. Right. It seems like every guy I meet is either not looking for anything serious or just doesn't seem like the right fit for me.

I know that I am still young and have plenty of time to find the right person, but it can be disheartening to go on date after date and not feel that spark or connection that I am looking for. I see my friends finding love and settling down, and I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with me or if I am just not meant to find my happily ever after. 

I guess what I am looking for is some advice on how to stay positive and hopeful in my search for love. How can I keep my spirits up and continue to put myself out there, even when it feels like I am never going to find that special someone? Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts and advice. 

- Sarah

Dear Sarah, 

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings with me. I understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you're not meeting the right person despite putting yourself out there and going on dates. Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way, and many people experience similar doubts and worries when it comes to finding love. 

First and foremost, I want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you. Finding the right person takes time, patience, and sometimes a bit of luck. It's important to remember that every relationship and every person you meet along the way teaches you something about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner. 

My advice to you is to stay true to yourself and your values. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you truly happy or who doesn't treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to walk away from a situation that doesn't feel right. Keep an open mind and continue to put yourself out there, whether that means trying new activities, joining clubs or groups that interest you, or exploring online dating. You never know when or where you might meet someone special, so stay open to new possibilities and experiences. 

Above all, be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Take time to focus on your own happiness and well-being, and remember that true love often comes when you least expect it. Stay positive, stay hopeful, and believe that the right person is out there looking for you too. Wishing you all the best in your search for love, Sarah. Trust in yourself and in the journey ahead.

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

I'm a young woman in my early twenties, and like many others, I've often wondered about love and how to distinguish it from mere infatuation or wishful thinking. In a world where romanticized notions of love are everywhere, from movies to social media, it's hard to discern what's real and what's fantasy.

I want to make sure that when I invest myself in someone, it's based on something substantial and mutual. 

Also, how can I differentiate between healthy romantic feelings and those that might lead to a toxic relationship? 

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,

Wendy

Dear Wendy,

Thank you for reaching out with such an important question about love and relationships. It's clear you're navigating a complex terrain, and I appreciate your desire to understand the difference between genuine love and wishful thinking.

Firstly, identifying genuine love involves several key elements:

1. Mutual Respect and Support: True love includes a deep respect for each other's individuality and a supportive atmosphere where both partners feel valued for who they are.

2. Emotional Intimacy: This is characterized by open communication, vulnerability, and a sense of emotional closeness that allows you to share your innermost thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

3. Commitment and Trust: A strong foundation of trust and commitment is essential. It's about reliability, consistency, and a mutual willingness to invest in the relationship for the long term.

4. Happiness and Fulfillment: Genuine love brings joy and fulfillment. It's about enjoying each other's company, feeling appreciated, and finding happiness in each other's presence.

5. Conflict Resolution: Healthy love involves navigating disagreements constructively, with both partners actively listening, understanding each other's perspectives, and working towards solutions that benefit the relationship.

In terms of recognizing potential signs of toxicity in a relationship, here are some warning signals to watch out for:

1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to control your actions, decisions, or relationships with others, it can indicate an unhealthy dynamic.

2. Disrespect: Any form of disrespect, such as belittling your thoughts or feelings, is not characteristic of a loving relationship.

3. Manipulation: Tactics like guilt-tripping or using emotions to manipulate your decisions are concerning signs.

4. Lack of Trust: Constant jealousy or suspicion without valid reasons can signal underlying trust issues that need to be addressed.

5. Abusive Behavior: This includes emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, which is never acceptable in any relationship.

Ultimately, trust your instincts and evaluate how the relationship makes you feel overall. Genuine love should enhance your life and make you feel secure, valued, and supported. Take the time to reflect on your feelings and observe how your partner contributes positively to your well-being.

Most of all remember this: a healthy relationship will  allow you to be your authentic self and not have your needs or desires put on the back burner. No matter how "in love" you feel, if your needs are not fulfilled, bitterness will take over eventually. Be true to yourself always. A happy you will make a happy life.

I wish you fun along your journey.

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

I hope you can help me with something that's been bothering me for a while. I'm a young woman in my mid-twenties, and I feel like I'm just not attractive enough to find romance. Everywhere I look, it seems like everyone around me is in happy relationships, and I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me.

I've tried everything to improve my confidence and appearance. I've experimented with different hairstyles, makeup looks, and even tried dressing in a way that I think would be more appealing, but nothing seems to work. I always end up feeling like I'm just not good enough.

I know I shouldn't base my self-worth on my appearance, but it's hard not to when it feels like that's all anyone cares about. I'm tired of feeling invisible and unlovable. Do you have any advice on how I can feel more confident and attractive, or how I can find someone who will appreciate me for who I am?

Sincerely,

Cyndi

Dear Cyndi,

Firstly, I want to commend you for reaching out and expressing your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your insecurities and seek guidance on how to address them.

Feeling unattractive or lacking confidence in your appearance is something many people struggle with at some point in their lives, so know that you are not alone in this. It's also important to recognize that beauty is subjective and comes in many different forms. What one person finds attractive, another may not, and vice versa.

While it's natural to want to enhance your appearance, it's equally important to focus on nurturing your inner confidence and self-worth. Confidence is attractive, and when you exude self-assurance, others are more likely to be drawn to you.

Instead of constantly trying to conform to societal standards of beauty, try to embrace and celebrate your unique qualities. What makes you special and interesting? What are your passions, hobbies, and talents? By focusing on these aspects of yourself, you'll not only feel more confident but also attract people who appreciate you for who you truly are.

Finding romance isn't just about physical appearance; it's about forming genuine connections with others based on shared values, interests, and mutual respect. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and engage in activities or hobbies that bring you joy. Whether it's joining a club, volunteering, or trying out a new hobby, expanding your social circle can increase your chances of meeting someone who appreciates you for the wonderful person you are.

Remember, you are worthy of love and affection just as you are. Embrace your uniqueness, cultivate your confidence, and trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right.

Stay strong and believe in yourself.

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

I've been seeing this amazing guy for a few months now, and things were going great until recently. Lately, he's been acting a bit distant and less attentive, and it's making me wonder if his feelings for me have changed. I can't help but overthink every interaction we have, and I'm worried that I might be coming off as too needy or insecure if I bring up my concerns. I know communication is important, but I don't want to scare him off by being too pushy. I'm struggling to find the right balance between giving him space and seeking reassurance about our relationship. I really like him and want things to work out, but I also don't want to ignore my own feelings. Any advice or tips you have would be so appreciated. 

-Lesley

Hello Lesley.

It's important to trust your instincts and communicate openly with your partner. If you're feeling unsure about the changes in his behavior, it's okay to express your concerns in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Choose a good time to have a conversation and share your feelings with him. Let him know that you value the relationship and want to understand where he is coming from. Listen to his perspective as well. Sometimes, people have their reasons for acting differently, and it's essential to have a dialogue to address any misunderstandings. 

Remember that relationships require effort and understanding from both partners. Additionally, try not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Give him the opportunity to explain his behavior before drawing any final conclusions. Keep an open mind and be willing to work through any challenges together. Ultimately, prioritize your own well-being and happiness. If the relationship doesn't feel fulfilling or if your concerns are not addressed, it's okay to reassess if this is the right relationship for you. Trust yourself to make the best decision for your emotional health and future happiness.

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

It seems that I only attract guys who want to just have sex with me and don't seem to care about anything else about me. How can I find a man who appreciates me for my mind rather than just my body? -Alana

Hello Alana.

Thank you for your question. It's completely natural to worry about finding someone who sees beyond the surface and truly values your intellect and personality. But remember, meaningful connections go deeper than physical attraction. To attract a partner who appreciates your mind, focus on nurturing your own passions and interests, engage in activities that stimulate your intellect, and surround yourself with environments where you're likely to meet individuals who share your values. 

A common challenge for many women is the temptation to dress seductively, which can inadvertently attract the wrong kind of attention. If you think this has been the case for you, instead, aim to dress attractively while maintaining a sense of modesty that reflects your character. By doing so, you'll naturally gravitate towards individuals seeking genuine connections rather than fleeting encounters. 

Don't be afraid to be authentically yourself and express your intelligence openly. When you're true to who you are, you'll naturally draw in someone who admires and respects you for all your unique qualities. Trust in the process and have faith that the right person, who recognizes and cherishes your inner beauty, will enter your life when the time is right.

-Andee

Hi Andee.

I was wondering how I can navigate the delicate balance between being myself and trying to impress someone new I'm interested in. I want to put my best foot forward but don't won't to be seen as a fake later on in the relationship. 

-Tamara

Dear Tamara,

Navigating the balance between authenticity and impressing someone new can indeed feel like a tightrope walk, but remember, the right person will appreciate you for who you are. Start by embracing your true self—your quirks, passions, and values. Be confident in your uniqueness; it's what sets you apart.

At the same time, it's natural to want to put your best foot forward. Showcase your interests and talents without compromising your authenticity. Share stories that reflect your personality and values, and listen actively to learn about your date's interests too.

Remember, relationships thrive on genuine connection. By being yourself and showing interest in your date's true self, you're laying the foundation for a meaningful connection. Trust that the right person will appreciate you exactly as you are. Best of luck!

-Andee

Hi Andee.

What are some good ways to deal with conflicts with my fiancé without jeopardizing our relationship? -Xana

Dear Xana. 

Navigating conflicts with your fiancé will be a journey filled with ups and downs, but it's all part of the beautiful tapestry of love and partnership. I've found that communication lies at the heart of it all. When we openly share our thoughts, feelings, and fears, we create a safe space where understanding can flourish.

Listening, truly listening, is a skill that is learned and can benefit relationships greatly. Listening is more than just hearing words; it's about listening to the emotions behind them.  Try to put yourself in your fiance's shoes, to understand where he is coming from. After all, empathy is the bridge that connects our hearts, even in the midst of disagreement.

Another important skill for couples to learn is to pick their battles wisely. Not every disagreement needs to be a battleground. Sometimes, it's okay to let go and embrace the beauty of imperfection. And when we do engage in conflict, seeking compromise becomes our guiding star. It's not about who's right or wrong but about finding a solution that honors both of your needs and desires. 

Taking breaks during heated moments has been a game-changer for many couples. Stepping away allows emotions to cool, giving space and time to reflect and come back to the table with a clearer perspective. And through it all,  make a pact to focus on the issue, not the person,  promising to love and respect each other, even in the heat of the moment.

Forgiveness is golden. Holding onto resentment only breeds bitterness, while forgiveness sets us free to love again. And when conflicts persist, don't be afraid to seek outside help. Therapy has been illuminating the path towards deeper understanding and connections for thousands and thousands of couples across the globe.

Remember, conflicts are not the end of love, but rather an opportunity for growth and renewal. Embrace them with an open heart, and you'll find that your love for each other only grows stronger with each passing storm.       

-Andee

Hi Andee.

My boyfriend is pressuring me not to use a condom during sex, saying  I shouldn't worry about it because he can take care of me financially if I get pregnant. He also complains about me having to study for my college courses and wants me to quit. I want to graduate. Should I be concerned about this? - Allison

Dear Allison. 

Your concerns about contraception and your education are completely valid. It's important to prioritize your own goals and well-being, rather than succumbing to someone else's pressure, especially if it compromises your future plans and independence.

Your boyfriend's insistence on you not using protection and abandoning your educational aspirations indicates a lack of respect for your autonomy and long-term goals. Trust your instincts and don't ignore warning signs in your relationship. 

It's crucial to have open and honest conversations about boundaries and expectations. If he belittles or dismisses your concerns, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Your independence and self-sufficiency should always be your number one priority. I wish you the best.        

-Andee

Hi Andee.

I have been dating a man from Germany who is here in the U.S.A. on a Visa for six weeks and he has asked me to marry him. He says he loves me and we get along great. I love him and would love to marry him, but all my family and friends are telling me he is only marrying me for citizenship. At this point, I don't care, because I love being around him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. What should I do? - Laya

Hello Laya. 

It's understandable that you're feeling torn between your feelings for this man and the concerns raised by your family and friends. Marrying someone solely for citizenship can have serious legal and ethical implications, so it's important to consider this aspect carefully.

Firstly, I suggest that you have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns and ask him directly about his intentions. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to such significant decisions.

Additionally, consider seeking advice from an immigration lawyer who can provide you with valuable insight into the legal implications of marriage for citizenship purposes. Understanding the process and potential consequences can help you make a more informed decision.

Ultimately, you need to prioritize your own feelings and well-being in this situation. If you genuinely love this man and believe in the strength of your relationship, then marriage may be the right choice for you. However, it's essential to approach this decision with caution and ensure that it's based on mutual love and respect rather than solely practical considerations. Trust your instincts and take the time to thoroughly evaluate the situation before making any commitments.

-Andee

Hi Andee.

I am 28 years old and have been in several long-term relationships. I thought everything was great with each relationship but then my boyfriend would up and break up without warning. The last guy told me that I smothered him. I begged him not to leave me, but he rolled his eyes and walked out. What is wrong with me? I don't cause trouble. I don't show my jealousy; I cook for them; I am always amiable, and I go out of my way to please them. I just don't understand why nobody will stay with me. Please help me. -Tanda

Hi Tanda.

I am so glad you reached out. I'm not sure what the problem could have been, but it could be that they just weren't the right person for you. However, from a few things you stated,  it could be that you lost yourself in the relationships. 

If you find yourself doing and saying anything in a new relationship in hopes in keeping a guy happy, that is a red flag that you are giving up your own identity. Remember, the guy was attracted to you when he first met you because of your personality. 

It is highy important to keep your independence and autonomy within romantic relationships. The next time you enter a relationship, I suggest you take it slow and follow these following guidelines:

1. Communicate Your Needs: Open and honest communication is key. Express your need for independence and autonomy to your partner early on in the relationship. Discuss what this means for you and how you both can support each other's individuality while being in a relationship.
2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your partner regarding personal space, time, and activities. Respect each other's need for alone time and understand that it's healthy to have separate interests and hobbies.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority in your life. Schedule time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's pursuing a hobby, spending time with friends, or simply enjoying solitude. Encourage your partner to do the same.
4. Maintain Your Own Identity: Don't lose sight of who you are outside of the relationship. Continue to pursue your goals, passions, and interests independently. This will not only enrich your life but also make you a more interesting and fulfilled partner.
5. Practice Trust: Trust is essential in any relationship. Trust your partner to support your independence and autonomy, and trust yourself to maintain a healthy balance between your personal life and your relationship.
6. Check-In Regularly: Have regular check-ins with your partner to assess how you both are feeling about the balance between independence and togetherness in the relationship. Address any concerns or issues that arise openly and constructively.
7. Be Supportive: Support your partner's goals and aspirations, even if they differ from your own. Celebrate each other's achievements and provide encouragement during challenging times.
8. Seek Compromise: Understand that compromise is necessary in any relationship. Find ways to compromise on shared responsibilities and activities while still honoring each other's need for independence.

I hope this helps with your question, and will empower you to prioritize self-love, so you can engage in a fulfilling partnership where mutual affection abounds in your next relationship. Wish you all the luck!

-Andee

Hi Andee.

I love my boyfriend very much. He is 28 years old and has a great personality and a great job. The thing is that when we are watching a movie on television, he talks all the way through it. I tried to tell him that I like to see and hear the movie, but he still talks to me during the next movie like I never said anything. What can I do to get him to stop ruining my movie-watching experience?

-Angeline

Hi Angeline.

I feel your pain.  I have had a few friends like that. Obviously, though, talking during a movie isn't a relationship breaker, it is a problem that needs to be rectified. 

I suggest setting him down and tell him how much he means to you, and how you enjoy being around him. But then tell him how you enjoy watching movies because it gives you a chance to unwind from reality for a couple hours, but you need to be able to stay foucused on the storyline, and you just can't do that when someone is talking to you. Make sure you say someone, like it isn't just him.  He probably will say he understands. Then... during the next movie, if he forgets and starts talking, just look at him, put your index finger to your lips and then smile a sweet smile. You can most likely train him this way. 

If gently training him doesn't work, then your other option is just not watch movies that are important to you with him, unless it is at a movie theater where the other patrons will take care of his talking for you with a few glares or movie jargon threats.  

I wish you all the luck and many quiet movie nights.  

-Andee

Hi Andee.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about seven months, and a few months ago, he asked to borrow some money to help with his rent. I loaned it to him, and he said he would pay me back within two weeks, but he always has excuses why he can't. What should I do to get him to pay me back? 

- Kinzy

Hello Kinzy. 

Thank you for contacting me, and I hope I can help you with this matter. It's essential to calmly and directly address this issue with your boyfriend. Communication is key in any relationship, and it's crucial to discuss financial matters openly and honestly.

You can begin by discussing the loan with your boyfriend and expressing your concerns about not being repaid within the agreed-upon timeframe. Listen to his perspective and try to understand his reasons for not fulfilling his promise so that you can clearly understand the situation. If your boyfriend continues to make excuses after your discussion and fails to repay you, it may be a red flag indicating a lack of financial responsibility or respect for your boundaries.

Trust is crucial in a relationship, and unresolved financial issues can strain the bond between partners. Even if he does pay you back, consider setting clear boundaries and expectations regarding finances in your relationship going forward. It's essential to prioritize your financial well-being and ensure that both partners are transparent and accountable when it comes to money matters.

Ultimately, trust your instincts and prioritize your own financial stability and emotional well-being. Don't ignore that knot in your stomach; your feelings are there to warn you of something not right in your environment.

If the issue persists, and your boyfriend is not willing to address it or take responsibility, you may need to reevaluate the relationship and seek advice from a trusted friend or counselor. Remember, open and honest communication is key in any relationship, and addressing financial issues early on can help build a stronger foundation for the future. Best of luck!

-Andee

Hello Andee. 

I have had a boyfriend for four years, and I have realized that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I still can't seem to let him go. Any advice on how to get through this obstacle in my relationship? Do I stay with him or do I leave?  -Jane 

Hi Jane. 

Thank you for your question. You are not alone when it comes to those kind of feelings. Sometimes we find ourselves tied into old, stale relationships that we just can't bear to end. However, to live in that turmoil day in day out, wishing to be free, should tell you the relationship needs to end and end soon. 

As long as you hang on to the familiar just because it is comfortable, you will not be available for the new opportunities that are out there waiting for you. 

Usually once you get out of a relationship, it may take a lot of willpower not to return to it... no problem. If you break down and return to the old relationship and decide it feels right and good, then great! But, once back with the person and you start feeling regret, then you also know that the relationship isn't for you.

Basically... listen to your gut. Remember, this is your life. It is good to care for the feeling of others, but their feelings don't supersede yours or your happiness. You are given one life to live, and it isn't all that long. Make the best use of it.

Good luck and keep going forward!  - Andee

Hi Andee.

I can’t seem to keep a boyfriend. I am twenty years old and try real hard to keep myself looking good, smelling good and saying all the right things. I’ve had 6 boyfriends, but the relationships start out great and then end without warning.  I don’t cause any trouble. I go where they want to go, and do what they want to do, but suddenly they just drop me.  One guy did tell me I was boring. What am I doing wrong?

-Angie

Hi Angie. 

Each relationship is unique, and based on what you've shared, it seems like it might be beneficial for you to take some time to explore your own identity. Romantic relationships involve two people with distinct personalities, often characterized by the notion that opposites attract. This is true because individuals are drawn to different thoughts and desires. You mentioned feeling hurt when a boy called you boring. Perhaps he was giving you a hint for you to learn to give more of yourself to the relationship by providing your own wants and desires. 

I recommend that you take some time, perhaps six months, if not a year, to focus on discovering opportunities and hobbies that resonate with you. This way, when you come across another promising young man, you'll have something of value to bring to the table.  Ask yourself... would you want to date a carbon copy of yourself or someone with different life experiences than yourself who can introduce you to new things?

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

I started dating a guy about six months ago, and I really like him a lot. He is fun to be around and very attentive, except he is always late. He apologizes with excuses, but he will be late the very next time we have a date. He is on call 24 hours a day and is always having to take phone calls. However, I think he uses work as a crutch not to pay attention to his time. Should I approach him about this concern or is it too early in a relationship to worry about this one and only character flaw? I really don’t want to lose him.

-Sarah

Hi Sarah. 

It is great that you have found a good guy that you like. However, I can understand your frustration with him for his constant tardiness, and you need to have a conversation with him about it and how it makes you feel. 

First, the next time he is late, explain to him in a calm manner that when he is late picking you up you feel like he doesn’t respect you or your time.  

You will then most likely have to listen to his excuses once more. Once he is done, just nod your head and tell him you understand, BUT that it still makes you feel not valued. After that, gently tell him you really like him and enjoy your time together, but he has got to be on time if you two are going to continue seeing each other.

It could be that he is one of the many people in the world who haven’t been taught time management. Some of the friendliest and kindest people can have this bad habit and be totally oblivious to how it affects others.They don’t know that they are leaving bad first impressions and showing themselves as unreliable, disorganized, or simply not interested in others. Not good traits for relationships or for business. The sooner that your boyfriend realizes his problem, the sooner he can start trying to do better.

It sounds like you value your time or you would not have reached out to me about this problem, and that is good. It is important to know what you want in a relationship so that you have a goal to shoot for. No relationship is going to hit the mark one hundred percent. We're all humans and have flaws, but we teach others how to treat us. If you don’t let people know how you feel and what you need, they will not know and will treat you how you allow them to treat you by default.

I wish you luck and hope your relationship makes it and you two end up happily ever after. Just remember to be true to yourself. The best way to love someone else is to love yourself first. That way, you can give your all to that person without losing yourself in the relationship. Ironic, isn’t  it? -Andee

Hello Andee. 

I met a man at work over a year ago, and I really like him. He has asked me out several times, but I declined because he has two kids from a previous marriage. He is eight years older and his oldest child is only ten years younger than me. Do you think it is ok to get into a relationship with a man with kids?

-Chloe

Dear Chloe.

Your question is loaded. My first reaction as a woman who has been down that road is to run for the hills. But, there are a whole lot of good relationships out there that started just like this. The only thing, they do come with a lot more baggage and heartache. 

I would suggest to find out in your day to day interactions what kind of relationship he has with his ex-wife.  If it sounds like they get along well, that is a good sign. Only then would I suggest you accept a date. The way a man treats other women show how they will treat you when things are rough.

Once you go on that date, do not kiss him. Kissing causes you to "feel" like you are in love and you don't need that until after you figure out if a relationship with him is worth it. Now is the time to ask him about his disciplining techniques. You want to know if you agree, and can handle living that way. 

After the date, try to keep a cool head no matter how nice or sexy he is so you can make good decisions. You need to take your time with this situation to find out not only his values, but to evaluate your own.

If you feel like you want to go further in this relationship, it's important for both of you to have open and honest communication about your expectations and concerns. I would also suggest getting the advice of a counselor or therapist to help you navigate the challenges you two will definitely cross.

Good luck and let me know how it goes. 

-Andee

Hello Andee.

I'm 30 years old and have been looking for someone to marry to no avail. I'm afraid I am getting to old to start a family by the time I get married, if I ever get married. Should I go ahead and have a baby on my own?

-Serena

Hi Serena.

I am so glad you reached out. I like to say to begin with that you still have time to find that special someone before your biological clock stops ticking.

I personally had my second  baby at almost forty years old and realized that it was actaully a perfect time. I wouldn't have changed the timing for anything... if I could go back and have my first child around that time, I would. 

Personally, I think having a baby should be put on the back burner for a few more years. It is much easier to have two parents raising a child than one. I know, I've done both.  In the meantime, make sure you are taking care of yourself emotionally and physically, and get out there in the world doing the things that interest you.

Enjoy this time you have while still keeping your eyes open for romance. Men can sense when a woman is getting desperate and will run. And there is NO reason to feel that way because like you said, you can have a baby on your own and you know it. Therefore, just be yourself, enjoy yourself, and at the same time, love others. Doing things for others brings more joy into your world. AND... everyone loves joyous people and want to be around them. 

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

I have a new boyfriend I have been dating for three months. He's a super nice guy, and I really like him, however, a few days ago, I figured out he was lying to me. It wasn't anything specific, but just a bunch of little lies that did not add up. I'm afraid he is a perpetual liar. What should I do? I like him a lot and hate to lose him but do I continue a relationship with someone that I cannot trust to tell me the basic truth about basic things? I’m worried  he’ll lie about big things.  

-Liz

Hi Liz.

Discovering that your boyfriend has been lying to you, regardless of the scale of the lies, can be very disheartening. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship, and it's understandable that you're concerned about his honesty moving forward.

It's essential to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns. Express to him how his lies have made you feel and why honesty is crucial to you in a relationship. It's important to give him the opportunity to explain himself and to understand why he felt the need to lie. Sometimes people lie out of fear, insecurity, or a desire to impress, and it's possible that he may not have realized the impact of his lies. However, if you feel that he is a perpetual liar and that his dishonesty is a recurring pattern, it's important to consider whether this is a dynamic you want in your relationship. 

Trust is the foundation of a healthy and successful relationship, and if it's consistently violated, it can erode the connection between partners. Ultimately, you should prioritize your well-being and emotional health. If you believe that you cannot trust him to be honest with you, especially about important matters, it may be best to reevaluate the relationship. It's a challenging decision to make, especially when you have strong feelings for someone, but it's important to consider whether the relationship is built on a solid and truthful foundation. 

-Andee

Hi Andee. 

My question is probably silly, but when I go out on the weekend and might have a chance of hooking up with a guy, should I shave my legs and be ready for action or act like I wasn't planning to hook up and not have clean-shaven legs?  I kind of like the idea of having a potential hookup to think I wasn't planning anything in case I want to pursue a relationship. 

- Amber

Hi Amber. 

I understand what your asking because I have wondered about the same thing. The thing is, though I write steamy romance novels and have had a few intimate encounters in my life before I got married,  I recommend not having sex with anyone until you have taken the time to really get to know each other very well.  Now with that tidbit of advice out of the way,  I suggest that you be true to yourself, yet, at the same time take other's feelings into consideration. Though slightly hairy legs probably won't  deter any hot-blooded man from performing, how would you feel if he didn't appear fresh once you got intimate? 

 If you desire a person to perceive you a certain way,  then you probably need to make the effort to be that person. However, if you don't care what others think about you, don't worry about it. Just remember though, your appearance and self-care sends signals to the kind of men you will attract. If you present yourself well, you are more likely to attract a man who will appreciate and value your effort.  Conversly, if you neglect your appearance, you may  unwittingly attract a man who may be indifferent to his own appearance as well. 

Wishing you all the luck! 

-Andee